In September when we celebrated the twins 1st birthday (actual) I used that time to write out our 4 day journey leading up to their birth. I have compiled this journey as a blog post making it easily available to those who are searching for hope.
Labour Day 1 |
Today is labour day & I’m not talking about the holiday.
A year ago today I would find myself in labour with the twins at just 21 weeks and 5 days. The day started off normal. I had closed my home-daycare that I ran because I had a little cold so that + the twins made me feel awful. I put Noah down for a nap and went to the washroom. I had a small spot of pink blood. I called my midwife and she wanted me to go to the triage. I would then sit in the waiting room of the hospital for 4hrs. During this time I’d grow increasingly uncomfortable. I called my midwife and told her I wasn’t seen yet. She called the hospital and then told her they “forgot about me” I was rushed in, given a urine test and an ultrasound was ordered. I remember laying in the bed bawling because out of no where it hit me like a ton of bricks, I’m in labour. As they got a wheelchair to take me to my ultrasound I told the nurse “call my midwife, I’m in labour” and she told me “hold on Kayla, we don’t know that” but I knew. I had given birth to an 8lb baby before and I knew what labour felt like. During my ultrasound I see my two daughters on the screen. They look perfect & everything was good. I was having contractions and told the tech “I need to stand up & breath through this” the minute I stood up, baby A (Luna) water broke.
| A few minutes later was the first time I would hear that my daughters were going to die because babies this young CAN NOT SURVIVE. The first of many times. |
This day last year was the first day of the hardest days to come.
Labour Day - Day2
“Listen, we won’t force you to take anything to jump start your labour again but we also won’t allow you to see the twins on an ultrasound or hear their heartbeats. These babies are going to die and I’m not going to allow my nurses to get emotionally involved in this”
☝🏽 Those were the words that were spoken to me after my contractions finally stopped. Luna’s water was completely ruptured and she was in the birth canal. This dr kept saying “can we just get this over with? The babies are so small that the birth will be very quick. You are postponing the inevitable” after I refused to let her give me anything to jump start my contractions again.
I was eventually wheeled into a “resting” room instead of the delivery room. The dr said to me “I’ll see you when your contractions start again, which will be soon” as she walked away.
I would spend that night alone in a cold hospital room. I screamed myself to sleep & I remember waking every half an hour or so praying to God that when I woke up it would just be a horrible dream. It wasn’t.
“Darkest waters & deepest pain. I wouldn’t change it for anything because my brokenness brought me to You & these wounds are a story you’ll use. So, I am thankful for my scars because without them I wouldn’t know your heart & I know they’ll always tell of who you are, Jesus!” - Scars
Labour Day | Day 3
By day 2 I didn’t see the first dr anymore and my care was transferred to Windsor’s “high risk” Dr. The conversations I had with this Dr was always brief. He never once checked me physically or examined the twins at all. He would come into my room in the morning, stand at the end of my bed and the conversations usually went:
“Are you ready to get this over with!?”
“I refuse to give birth until you find someone to save my babies!”
And then he would leave.
He was also the first Dr to tell me the horrible life the twins would live if they survived. Vent dependent, blind, deaf, unable to eat, walk, speak. We told them we wanted them anyways. ANY WAY they came, we wanted them!!
This particular day after doing much research online I found out about steroids and magnesium (to help develop the twins lungs and protect their brains) I asked this Dr for the medication and in so many words he told me he wouldn’t “waste” medication on babies who are going to die. The twins never ended up getting this medication.
I spent day 2,3 and beginning of day 4 laying in the bed with my feet up. My sisters spent the days there with me helping me to pee (sliding a bedpan under me) cleaning me and being with me. If I would ever push to pee I could feel Luna push her way down more. I was in such a vulnerable state and I have never felt so out of control in my whole life.
During this time I only seen the Dr in the morning & then that was it. No nurses, no Drs. Just me, waiting in a small cold room.
Labour Day 4 - The nightmare ends today!
Day 4 in Windsor’s hospital started off the same as day 2 & 3. The dr came in that morning and had the same conversation with me and this one was the briefest of them all. I was so worn out, I had nothing to say to these people.
“Are you read to get this over with?”
“Are you ready to find someone to save my daughters?”
He walked out.
Fast forward to 4pm(ish) my labour started again. I buzzed the nurse and she called down to the “high risk” Dr. He told her “she’s fine, tell her to just rest” I told the nurse “NO, I am in labour. What’s with you people not believing people when they tell you they are in labour?!?”
My mind is all over now. I feel so defeated. I lost. This 4 day battle was about to come to an end and I was on the losing end. My life was about to be shattered. I was going to birth my daughters and hold them as they died. None of my family was there yet, I was alone. As they wheel me to the labour room my sister shows up and I wanted to jump out of my skin into her arms. “I’m in labour” I yelled and she grabbed my hand.
All of the sudden a new Dr walks into the room while they are getting me set up.
“Kayla, I read your chart. I know you desire to have these babies saved. I’m going to call surrounding level 3/4 NICU’s and let the decide if they are willing to take you”
For the first time in 4 days I felt hope. Finally, someone was going to JUST CALL and see. Within 15 minutes he was back in my room, coat on and said “TWO hospitals agreed to take you, we’re going to London and I’m coming with you!!”
We were gone within seconds and I yelled back to my sister “call my husband!!”
I am racing down the highway to London. Wow. Finally! Someone is willing to TRY and save the lives of my babies.
Once I arrived to London, everything was a blur. They realized my oxygen was super low (Windsor wouldn’t have know this because in those 4 days I was in their hospital, they never looked me over or took care of me, at all) and then it was discovered shortly after I had pneumonia!! Not only were my daughters going to die in Windsor’s hospital, I was right there behind them.
I met with the Neonatologist in the NICU a few times who also tried to convince me to let the girls go. By the 2nd meeting with this Dr I wasn’t very pleasant and I remember yelling “DO YOUR DAMN JOB & SAVE MY DAUGHTERS” (later this Dr would become so dear to my heart & we love her so much!)
We are all set up for the birth and my husband still isn’t there. The minute I am about to push, he rushes through the doors. I hear “baby A’s water is still here, she’s coming out in her water!!! We thought she ruptured???” I was frozen. For sure Luna’s water ruptured (I was there haha) and now it was completely sealed again!!
Here comes Luna at 9:12pm.
She came out kicking and had the tiniest cry. Weighing 14oz 11” long.
The goal was to keep Ema in but that wasn’t possible. The minute Luna was out, Ema’s heart rate dropped.
Here comes Ema at 9:29pm
She came out crying as well.
Weighing 1lb 12” long.
They were here! They were alive. They were stable!!!
We were told we would probably have 12-24hrs with the twins but before I could be with them I needed a bunch of testing done for my pneumonia and such.
I finally got to meet my warriors and what a meeting it was. My life changed forever on Sept 23rd-27th. I was damaged but when I looked at them I KNEW IT WAS WORTH everything I went through.
We went from 0% chance of survival to 12-24hr chance to celebrating ONE YEAR OF LIFE today!! 💕
“I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.”
Psalms 9:1-2
